31/01/2014: I WAVE BYE BYE TO MY GAP

y'all might not know this, but for the longest time i've had a gap in my teeth. and the reason you won't know this is because for the longest time i was extremely insecure and ashamed about it. BUT NOT ANYMORE DUN DUN DUUUUN because it's been fixed and now i don't care ( well i haven't cared for the past few years but it seemed odd to drop it into conversation with people i've known for like 8 years so late on ) and i thought i should write about it because it's not something that everyone goes through so ya

so yeh basically i was born with like fucked up teeth, i had an extra baby tooth ( which wasn't noticeable at all ) and then i grew an extra one once my adult teeth came through even though the dentist said i wouldnt and it looked mental. so i had to have it out at about age 10 ish ? i went through what some might call "dental hell" because i had to have braces to widen the gap, numerous operations and i basically perma had some sort of metal in my mouth sticking all my teeth together. it was the most frustrating thing because i did ( and still do ) look after my teeth so well, i don't have any fillings or anything !!! anyway i thought i was super ugly all the way through primary school because i was teased about it and i just thought i looked so rank. you should read some of my diaries back then man it was like self-hatred city. so anyway just before i started high school the lord smiled down on me in the form of a wee plastic tooth that fitted well and looked quite sly. it was a little bit like a retainer but with a tooth on it. i was cheesin ( literally ) but i actually LIVED IN FEAR of someone finding out my "secret". i can't even tell you how big a deal i thought it was. if there was any hint of anyway looking suspiciously at my mouth ( lol ), i'd immediately cover it with my hand and turn away. sorry i shouldn't even be lolling because it was really bad, i used to be so paranoid maaan. even if a family member mentioned something about it i'd pure cry. not gonna lie i've really carried that with me, even now, this is the first time i've ever spoken about this let alone taken photos of it... like 99% of my very best friends don't know about it. i plucked up the courage ( it sounds so ridiculous because i know it's really nothing, and really so many people face much worse things daily, but honestly i still felt really uncomfortable about talking about it ) to tell a few of them before i got it fixed because i was nervous about the surgery. so there's still a little bit of that shame and horror left over innit

but now, age 22, i've finally got rid of it once n for all ! my parents have been saving up for this £2000 surgery for like 10 years hahah, and now i have an implant ( which is like a permanent tooth screwed into my skull )! the surgery wasnt too traumatic because i'm actually ok with the dentist but omfg it feels so nasty to have someone like drilling in your head and you can't feel a thing coz of the anaesthetic.... not pleasant at all. the first installment was the worst, which is when the screw is put in. like the dentist literally sliced open my gum and pure started tinkering around w my bones and jamming things up it. i was lolling though because his ringtone is set to this ribbiting noise like a wee froggy and it went off mid surgery. that must've looked attractive with drool goin everywhere... i had stitches in my gum and everything. anyway like a week ago i had impressions done and he had to like open it all up and there was literally a screw where my gap is, like an industrial screw, i felt it with my tongue. i'd like to have seen it coz it would have looked weird as but i never got the chance.

it got completed yesterday and i'm so super happy but i honestly regret wasting so much energy worrying and stressing and thinking it mattered over the years. even now though i actually feel stupidly nervous posting this but i think i need to just u know get it out there~ and it feels good !

oh yeah i'm sorry i keep promising posts and then i have another idea for something else and it takes over but since i am leaving for australia in approx. ONE WEEKS time i'll be sure to churn another one out about preparing to leave coz i got some really cute stuff in preparation ! not just a new tooth ( the ultimate accessory duhh )

lots of love